Two nights ago, on twitter, I was told I am a classless Bulls ‘chick’ with lesbian tendencies. I stood amazed at all of the above, since it stemmed from a somewhat sarcastic tweet. The ‘birdy’ clearly had no understanding of sarcasm.
Ok, so the better half of the population would say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. From time to time, I buy into that, this time, however, I bent the knee before the powerful master of sarcasm. I had a great laugh at the expense of someone else, something I don’t normally degrade myself to doing. But, sarcasm isn’t the thing I really want to touch on.
Later that night, when I lay in bed, I was thinking about the reasons I was still single. Me being single at my age could lead to some people believing what this woman said. But there are other reasons to me being single.
At one point in time, before I have lived my life and freshly out of school, I also had stars in my eyes about finding someone to love and marry. Age actually helped the bearer of said stars to grow up and smell the proverbial coffee.
I have lists of things I would like my lover, boyfriend, husband (pick one) to live up to. Obviously, the more boxes are ticked on the list, the closer to a home run I will be. Alas, my home run is elusive.
Maybe I am expecting too much from the people around me. That may be the reason I expect too much from what could be a potential partner.
I can’t, however, see myself in a relationship with someone who is there only halfway. Think about it this way, as soon as you become part of a relationship, you have to start taking another person into consideration. When you are single, you can go where you like, eat where and what you like, hang out with whoever you want to hang out with. When you’re part of a relationship, you have to consider what the other person likes, what he eats and where he wants to go. There’s also that silly thing of reporting back. “Honey, I’ll be going to (insert your own favourite place) with so and so.” Eyebrows will shoot up and lips will start to tremble when he wanted to do something with you. Lo and behold he wanted to take you somewhere, but never had the decency to first find out if you had any other plans.
So, that is only one small part of my lack of commitment. When you are the lucky winner of only a middle class existence, there is the added ‘benefit’ of having to stress about both your finances. Stressing about my own finances is bad enough already, I haven’t got the patience or strength to do it on behalf of another person as well. If you are part of the one percent of the population who have a cushioned life filled with richness, maybe then, this last thing may not be such a burden. Otherwise, it sure will become one sooner rather than later.
The final straw: women always show more consideration for their partners than men. I know all men are not the same, they always want to remind me of that, but a very large percentage of men always think of themselves before they would think of their partner. So why is a different set of rules applied to me as a woman? I just can’t see myself bending backwards for a man.
A friend of mine once said that I would be single forever if I don’t adjust my list. But why should I care what she, or anybody else for that matter, thinks about my being single? Why should I make adjustments in my life, and to my set of rules to please others? Why should I settle for second best, or at least, my second best, only to not being called single?
In all honesty, from time to time, I do miss a man’s whispering in my ear, arms around me and kisses in my neck. But when the feeling takes a hold of me, I take a nap and when I wake up, I am back to my old self again.
I can’t invest in a life where there is a fifty/fifty chance of me ending up poorer, emotionally. I will therefore remain single for as long as it is impossible to tick some more boxes.